Joining the online dating scene was the next logical step in our mission (even as I am typing this an advert for online dating has come on the radio – it’s a lucrative business). Being penniless graduates we joined OkCupid, a free online dating site which looked slightly less dodgy than the similar Plenty of Fish.com. After getting over the initial ‘Oh my god, what if someone I know sees my profile, how embarrassing!’ worries, we filled out our online profiles. This involved the standard self-summary, favourite books/movies/music, and an ‘I’m looking for...’ section.
The final box was titled ‘You Should Message Me If...’ Minnie, never one to do things by halves, stated these requirements exactly:
You have an Irish accent
You have long (ish) hair
You know the difference between your and you’re (this was a deal breaker as far as she was concerned).
Amie less specifically requested a 'nice, non-creepy man', which allowed possible future flames to express in their opening messages that they are in fact non-creepy (well done boys), or occasionally, 'dead creepy' (even better), suggesting a hint of wit which consequently meant that of course Amie would make an 'exception' for them as asked.
We were then instructed to answer questions posed by the website so that we could come closer to finding our perfect match. And these weren’t your ordinary run-of-the-mill match questions. Just a few examples are: ‘Would you rather see abused animals or starving children?’ and ‘Is homosexuality a sin?’ So at least that weeds out the homophobes and sadists (hopefully).
Within minutes of setting up our profiles we were overwhelmed by an onslaught of messages which, incidentally, is an excellent confidence boost – regardless of the fact that the majority of the messages you receive on these sites are variations on a theme which goes something like this: 'Hey beautiful/gorgeous/cutie, you have a gorgeous smile/face/hair. I'd really like to meet you/ get to know you/ take you out'. We quickly realised that with the amount of messages you receive on these websites, it is best to come up with an efficient screening system.
More specifically, this is what Minnie came up with:
1. Do they fit any of my specific requirements (see above), and if not can I see past this?
2. Are they attractive?
3. Do they seem interesting?
4. Have they shown that they have taken time to read my profile rather than just look at my pictures?
By following these sorting criteria it was actually possible to eliminate about 90% of the people who had messaged her. However, we did find that, unsurprisingly, dodgy and downright moronic messages are inevitable when joining a dating site. For the most part they are simply harmless and hilarious. Here are just a few samples:
From Amer to Minnie:
‘Hi I see you work in media? What part of media? In thinking of doing that at uni and was wondering of you could possibly give me some advice since you work in the field or even possibly some unpaid work experiance of possible...’
Sorry Amer, this is a dating website not LinkedIn. Good luck with finding some ‘work experiance’ elsewhere.
From Harry to Minnie:
‘Hey x you okay. Was looking through your pics and your gorgeous and look like you need a good seeing to and reading through your profile you seem like a very nice girl to chat to and not gonna lie fuck. Xx’
Who said romance was dead? And please - 'your gorgeous' - someone clearly hasn't read the requirements now have they Harry?
From Henry to Minnie:
‘You're cute, probably due to your amazing eye’
Just the one eye that you like then Henry?
From Sean to Minnie:
‘Generic overexcited greeting! Obvious reference to profile information, with or without drawing a comparison between what we put on our profiles. Rhetorical question? Unnecessary semi-forced semi-witty remark. Laughing onomatopoeia. Humble request for further information?’
In fairness to this guy he has summed up most of these online messages pretty well...
From Tigerboy to Amie:
'hey, I would remove that pic from your profile'
Why Mr Tigerboy? Is Amie too indecent for the online dating world? Or are there stronger warnings behind this message, which speak from previous experience? Not wanting to give the satisfaction of a reply, we shall never know. Overall, Amie received generally duller messages which did not make the cut to appear in this entry, possibly as a result of the harsh filtering criteria.
Thus, the jury is still out on whether online dating will lead us to a wonderful romance, but as promised, we will share all the highs and lows on here.
Until next time,
Amie & Minnie
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